Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Some Things I've Learned
Well, I’ve made a decision… I’m going to take a sabbatical from blogging for a while and keep my thoughts in a private journal. The idea behind starting my blog was to allow those I love who are far away to have little glimpses into my daily life here in Colorado… to know that I was ok, and working on rebuilding my life and my identity.
Maybe it wasn’t such a well-thought out idea on my part.
I am going through many changes in my life at the moment and I am learning many important lessons along the way.
One is how easy it is to judge others. For years I have looked at other people’s struggles in life and I have been quick to say things like, “How could they?” or “Why would you do that?” or “That is so un-Christlike…” I could go on with these judgments but you get the idea. Being raised in the church has given me an important foundation in morals and belief in things that are good. However, probably for the first time ever in my life I have experienced directly the effects that sin can have in our lives. The sins of others and the sins of myself. Having these experiences has taught me many things, among which has been what Jesus truly meant when he talked about judging others. “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye…”
It is so easy to look at someone’s situation and think you have the whole picture and judge from there what you believe they should do, but the fact is; only that person knows the whole story and only God can see what is truly in their heart. No one and I mean NO ONE knows the battles that rage within us other than God. I can say I may have experienced something similar or I know what they are going through, but that is a falsehood and a lie. I believe now that the best thing we can do for our friends and loved ones is pray for them and love them. Support them, lift them up, and encourage them.
I may not always agree with the ideas or decisions of those around me, but I’m not required to agree with others, I’m required to love them…
So this is lesson number one:
1. Love others. Don’t judge lest you be judged. Only God knows and understands our hearts and it is not my place to think I can do what only God can – see the hearts of others.
Another thing I have been learning is authenticity. How many people do I know who are truly authentic? Can I be upset with them if it seems they are not? No, because the truth is, I have not been authentic. I have put on a smile and done my best do what is expected of every young Christian woman. My heart has been in some of it, but not much of it. I have been living my life to fulfill the expectations of others rather than for myself. In the end, the only person who can answer to God is me. The testimonies and accounts of people in my life are not going to add up to a hill of beans – only I can answer for who I was, what I did, and how I lived. Do I want to be old and on my death bed saying, “I sure am glad I lived to please others.” Or, do I want to say, “I lived a good, full, and happy life and I’m ready to go home and answer for all of it.”
So in these last few months, I’ve been weeding out the things inside of me: What has been real? What has been a façade? I’m purging the things that are fake – and I’m allowing the true personality and passions of me to blossom.
I’ve met a lot of new people over the last few months and I’m recognizing sooner and easier who is authentic and who is not. If I want to be authentic, I surround myself with authenticity. I enjoy the company of those who I know are not only being themselves around me, but love me for who I am. I’m goofy, silly, passionate, and a little rebellious at times, but I love the Lord and I’m living the life I've been given.
Lesson number two:
2. Be Authentic. There is no good reason not to be. If others don’t accept or love you for who you are, then they are not relationships worth fostering. Focus on those who accept you and love you for YOU, not who they want you to be.
People like control. I have loved the notion of control over my own life. Sure, the ever-popular petition of Christians everywhere is, “Take my life Lord; I know that only You know what is best in my life and so I give it over to you.”
How many Christians actually do this? I would venture to say probably less than 1%. They are easy words to say, but actually living them is one of the most difficult things to do in life. I always pictured this prayer in the grand scheme of things… jobs, life partners, friends, deciding on a home church… but it seems to me if you’re praying to give up control and take life as it is handed to you, then that is what should be done. I’m learning to stop worrying about a job, where I’ll be in 10 years from now, who I’m going to be with, and I’m starting to just take life one day at a time. Not one of us is promised even tomorrow. I could be hit by a bus crossing the street this afternoon. Now, I’m not saying we should be irresponsible, but what I am saying is that I shouldn’t take anything for granted and I shouldn’t dwell on the things that bring me down.
You never know what effects your decision about something thrown your way will have on the lives of others. The homeless person I pass on the street may just have needed the friendly “Hello” I offered instead of ignoring his pleas for change as I walked by. The lady in the store who may have lost all hope in humanity may have just needed the little bit of hope I gave when I offered to pay for the few staples she was getting instead of glancing past her and thinking her problems are not my problems. (I mean sure, I don’t exactly have money to be throwing around, but I know when I have enough to bless someone else going through more of a hardship than I am.)
Why do people put so much energy into trying to control what we truly have no control over - all the while missing some of the best things life has to offer. And I’ve noticed too that sometimes we like to think we can control others. We use our words and our actions to make others feel somehow obligated to us or to guilt them into making the decisions that we feel are right. This kind of goes back to the whole judgments thing. I can never assume that I understand how someone feels or what they are going through, and you just have to let people make decisions for themselves, whether you think they are best or not.
Coming to this realization has opened my eyes to how people have controlled me. There is always a high price to pay for freedom. How many people throughout history have fought and died for their right to make their own decisions, have their own beliefs, and live their lives they way that they feel is best? On an individual level, sometimes sacrifices can include having a lack of support from friends and family and in extreme cases, broken relationships…
Lesson number three:
3. Give up control. You have only one life on this earth and only YOU can live it. Take advice from some, ignore it from others, and make your decisions based on your own thoughts, feelings, convictions, and beliefs. Appreciate each day as if it was your last. In the end, only you can answer for you.
Finally, I’ve learned that everyone grieves in their own way. I know that there are several people reading this every day. Some know the entire extent of what I’m going through, others know only bits and pieces. Only I know what is in my heart. I don’t really understand what it is people are expecting of me through this time. But what I know is that for the first time in three years, I’m free. I’m free from pain, from low self-esteem, from rejection, from control, from suppression, from depression. I realize this marks the beginning of the end of what was supposed to be my fairy tale, but unfortunately, I never had that fairy tale. All I can say is that it’s true what they say about sin manifesting itself so much that it can take what was supposed to be a good and wonderful thing and it can destroy it completely. I’m taking the pieces of me that are left and I am rebuilding, rediscovering, and reconnecting with God and with myself. Maybe some think I should be lying on the bedroom floor at night in a flood of tears, or eating a ton of chocolate and watching chick flicks in a state of depression, or feeling sorry for myself and letting everyone around me know it. I went through that stage for long enough… I’ve resolved myself to continue on with life, enjoy the things I love, and build meaningful relationships with both new and old friends. I’ve learned to let go and appreciate the little everyday things that this beautiful life has to offer. Instead of staying in bed with the blinds shut, I go out for the weekend and enjoy the wonders of nature and God’s creation. Instead of sitting on my couch watching “Sleepless in Seattle” for the tenth time with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s I’m hiking the trails in my backyard. Instead of heating up TV dinners and lamenting in making meals for one, I’m trying new recipes and making entire batches of crème brule to enjoy for the week. I’m doing the things I love to do in the fall… things that bring back warm memories and nostalgic feelings.
Lesson number four:
4. Everyone grieves in their own way. If someone in my life is going through a hardship, I know they need love and support and happiness. A smile over something so simple can make the difference in an otherwise impossible day. Optimism is good for everyone.
So with that, I say goodbye for now. I’m sure I’ll be back to blogging soon enough, but right now I will continue on this journey and share milestones with you as I see appropriate. Just know that I’m doing well and I pray often. Love you all.
Meg
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Pumpkin Carving
I'm on the prowl for a good (free) template online to carve my pumpkins this weekend. If you have any good sites or suggestions let me know!!!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
From the Bestie
My best friend Sarah sent me the link to this and it was too good not to share -
I'm planning to have my own "Fall Festival" this weekend. I'm going to make this Cider, the Pioneer Woman's Short Ribs, carve pumpkins and play games. I LOVE FALL!
Homemade Apple Cider
I'm planning to have my own "Fall Festival" this weekend. I'm going to make this Cider, the Pioneer Woman's Short Ribs, carve pumpkins and play games. I LOVE FALL!
Homemade Apple Cider
Perfect Run
So I mentioned in my post yesterday that I was going to do the Palmer Park run that I used to do several times a week about 3 months ago...
I did. I packed running shorts, a tank top and thankfully, a zip up. It was COLD. Not too bad, but in the mid 50's and at the top of the trail it gets pretty windy. It would have been very easy for me to make an excuse and say to myself, "Oh, I didn't pack the right clothes, I had better skip the run today..."
But I didn't. I'm trying so hard to get back in shape and I know the more excuses I make the further I will be from my goal. So I got out of the car, ignored the goosebumps all over my legs and started to make my way up the hill. Once I got going on the trail it wasn't too bad - in fact the cold was good motivation to get moving and warm up. Usually it takes me about 12-15 minutes to get up to the top of the park but it only took me 8 minutes... not bad. My heart felt like it was going to pound it's way out of my chest, but I was warmed up and ready to go.
I immediately started the run and felt a little weak [from doing the Incline the day before] but I was determined to get a good workout. I made my way up the first half mile to the lookout point with the bench. There I did a few sit ups and push ups - you know, to get the full body workout experience (and to take in the view) - then I continued the run.
I love running Palmer Park because at the top of the park there are all kinds of trails and the whole time you have this beautiful unobstructed view of the mountain range. Yesterday was cloudy and dreary and it felt like it might start to rain any minute. The view from the park to the range was pretty clear as the clouds were sitting pretty high, but there was a thick cloud sitting right on Pike's Peak and you could see it snowing just under the bottom of the cloud. Very pretty. So that's what I had to look at during my run.
I passed lots of people with their dogs. The top of the park is a 'dog run' where dogs aren't expected to be on a leash so I ended up having several different four-legged running partners at various times during the run.
There is a point in the last mile of my loop where I typically hit 'the wall' and I go through a good amount of pain to push through it or I have to stop and walk. But this time, I was feeling so good I ran right through it and up the last big hill. It's runs like this that get me motivated and help me back into a rhythm and routine...
Jack Quinn's group run is tonight and I'm feeling optimistic about it. The last few times I've done it I've had to stop and walk - but I think tonight I'll make it through the entire thing feeling strong - we shall see...
I posted this picture before, but it's one I took at the top of Palmer Park - should give you an idea of what I get to look at during my workouts. :)
I did. I packed running shorts, a tank top and thankfully, a zip up. It was COLD. Not too bad, but in the mid 50's and at the top of the trail it gets pretty windy. It would have been very easy for me to make an excuse and say to myself, "Oh, I didn't pack the right clothes, I had better skip the run today..."
But I didn't. I'm trying so hard to get back in shape and I know the more excuses I make the further I will be from my goal. So I got out of the car, ignored the goosebumps all over my legs and started to make my way up the hill. Once I got going on the trail it wasn't too bad - in fact the cold was good motivation to get moving and warm up. Usually it takes me about 12-15 minutes to get up to the top of the park but it only took me 8 minutes... not bad. My heart felt like it was going to pound it's way out of my chest, but I was warmed up and ready to go.
I immediately started the run and felt a little weak [from doing the Incline the day before] but I was determined to get a good workout. I made my way up the first half mile to the lookout point with the bench. There I did a few sit ups and push ups - you know, to get the full body workout experience (and to take in the view) - then I continued the run.
I love running Palmer Park because at the top of the park there are all kinds of trails and the whole time you have this beautiful unobstructed view of the mountain range. Yesterday was cloudy and dreary and it felt like it might start to rain any minute. The view from the park to the range was pretty clear as the clouds were sitting pretty high, but there was a thick cloud sitting right on Pike's Peak and you could see it snowing just under the bottom of the cloud. Very pretty. So that's what I had to look at during my run.
I passed lots of people with their dogs. The top of the park is a 'dog run' where dogs aren't expected to be on a leash so I ended up having several different four-legged running partners at various times during the run.
There is a point in the last mile of my loop where I typically hit 'the wall' and I go through a good amount of pain to push through it or I have to stop and walk. But this time, I was feeling so good I ran right through it and up the last big hill. It's runs like this that get me motivated and help me back into a rhythm and routine...
Jack Quinn's group run is tonight and I'm feeling optimistic about it. The last few times I've done it I've had to stop and walk - but I think tonight I'll make it through the entire thing feeling strong - we shall see...
I posted this picture before, but it's one I took at the top of Palmer Park - should give you an idea of what I get to look at during my workouts. :)
Saturday Plans
I LOVE October!
On saturday I'm going to the apple orchard pumpkin patch. I'm going to get myself some red apples for pie and probably two pumpkins (because one is never enough) to carve for Halloween! I can't wait!
This is where I'm going:
Happy Apple Farm
On saturday I'm going to the apple orchard pumpkin patch. I'm going to get myself some red apples for pie and probably two pumpkins (because one is never enough) to carve for Halloween! I can't wait!
This is where I'm going:
Happy Apple Farm
Monday, October 18, 2010
What a packed weekend! I love when I can start a new week knowing that I fully appreciated my time over the weekend.
Friday night I went with some friends to Cowboys. This is pretty much a weekly Friday thing for me as I LOVE country western dancing. Although I am still very new to the dances, they are so much fun. Some people I work with say the atmosphere is cheesy… that’s fine with me, they don’t have to go… but for those of us who like boots, hats, and country music – Cowboys is our place.
Saturday, I slept in (I love when I get to do that), made myself a spinach and feta omelet and headed up the mountain to Julie’s in-laws place for the first time. Baba (Bosnian for father), Amin’s dad, owns 70+ acres on the top of a mountain in Manitou Springs. It’s in a really neat gated community. Once you drive through the gates at the base of the mountain, it will be about 20 minutes to Baba’s place as his is the property is at the very top of this mountain sitting at around 9,200 feet. I’ve never driven a windier, steeper, crazier road in all my life but the views were amazing!
Once I arrived the entire family was there getting the meal ready for Baba’s 70th birthday. We had BBQ Chicken, grilled corn, Brisket brought from Texas by Julie’s brother and sister-in-law, and we had Pita (not sure if that is the correct spelling or not). Pita is a wonderfully delicious mixture of yummy things wrapped in phyllo dough and covered in butter to bake. I wasn’t part of the pita making process (thanks to little Esod and Zenita for making this fabulous food! And hopefully I spelled your names right…), but some of the things I remember going in were cottage cheese, eggs, butter, sour cream, salt & pepper, shredded mozzarella cheese, and more butter. All I know is after tasting it, I had to get seconds (and then later a third). My stomach would hate me Saturday night and seek it’s revenge, but the instant gratification from it was worth every minute of discomfort. If I had a chance to eat that much again – I would…
Oh the food… it was so good.
That afternoon the guys worked on an outdoor enclosure for Baba’s dogs Posha and Sedona (again, not sure on the spelling) both young pups and beautiful dogs. Posha is a German shepherd and Sedona a husky. Now, I called it an enclosure, but pretty much every one there had dubbed it the “Tajmahal.” It’s a HUGE enclosure with walls, a roof and eventually a heater. There is a dog house inside of it as well as lots of room for playing and relaxing. Rough life these dogs… I tell you.
Sometime in the middle of the day we hiked up past the property line to a lookout where you could see Pike’s Peak, Garden of the Gods and the city of Colorado Springs. I vowed that someday I would live in a place like this where I could walk out my door and have a place to come and relax and enjoy creation. I fell asleep briefly on one of the rocks – the sun felt so nice, there was a slight breeze, and you couldn’t hear anything - no cars, no people… just nature. It was great!
After dinner we went 4-wheeling out to another rock outcrop to watch the sunset. It was a beautiful evening and we went down to the outcrop and climbed up the rock formations. Everyone had a great time and we got lots of good pictures. We stayed out on the rocks for about an hour then headed back to the barn just as it was getting dark.
For the rest of the evening we sat by the fire telling jokes, picking on each other and recalling good memories. It was really a blessing for me to be welcomed so quickly into such a fun, loving, and crazy family. (Crazy in a good way of course)
Thanks to the Sipilovic family for making me feel so welcome and for a great Saturday!
I drove back down the mountain that night. It was quite the thrill as the hairpin turns that seemed a little crazy in the daylight were hard to navigate in the dark. There are NO lights on this mountain road. Even though I had my high beams on, each turn I just prayed I was staying on the road as it was still hard to see. The views of the city at night though were well worth the nerve-wracking drive! It was BEAUTIFUL!
I made it down just fine and I feel I could drive just about anywhere after that.
Sunday, I slept in again recovering from the food coma I was put into the day before. Again, I had a great breakfast of pancakes, bacon, and coffee. Once I felt awake and ready to start the day, I realized what a beautiful day it was turning out to be. In the 60’s with sunshine and big fluffy clouds – I willed myself to do something about the massive amount of calories I’d consumed in the last 24 hours. So, I headed off to do the Incline. I have done it several times before, but lately I’ve been slacking on working out all together. Needless to say, I felt the pain I deserved for my lack of efforts over the past month or so. I did however make it to the top beating my previous best time by 3 minutes. Not bad for being out of shape and feeling like a heifer!
Running back down Barr Trail felt so good too – I got a second wind and felt so alive! Once I reached the turn out for the waterfall, I did some running back UP the trail about a quarter mile then came back down. Surprisingly enough I’m not really sore today either, so I will be attempting my Palmer Park run this afternoon.
Sunday ended with the Redskins/Colts game. Although the Skins lost, I think it was a well played game. With the catches made by the Colts, they deserved the win, there is no doubt about that. Better luck next week DC!
So, I think I’m starting off my week right. I’m looking forward to next weekend as it’s getting to be time to carve pumpkins, and I LOVE carving pumpkins.
Happy Monday everyone!
Friday night I went with some friends to Cowboys. This is pretty much a weekly Friday thing for me as I LOVE country western dancing. Although I am still very new to the dances, they are so much fun. Some people I work with say the atmosphere is cheesy… that’s fine with me, they don’t have to go… but for those of us who like boots, hats, and country music – Cowboys is our place.
Saturday, I slept in (I love when I get to do that), made myself a spinach and feta omelet and headed up the mountain to Julie’s in-laws place for the first time. Baba (Bosnian for father), Amin’s dad, owns 70+ acres on the top of a mountain in Manitou Springs. It’s in a really neat gated community. Once you drive through the gates at the base of the mountain, it will be about 20 minutes to Baba’s place as his is the property is at the very top of this mountain sitting at around 9,200 feet. I’ve never driven a windier, steeper, crazier road in all my life but the views were amazing!
Once I arrived the entire family was there getting the meal ready for Baba’s 70th birthday. We had BBQ Chicken, grilled corn, Brisket brought from Texas by Julie’s brother and sister-in-law, and we had Pita (not sure if that is the correct spelling or not). Pita is a wonderfully delicious mixture of yummy things wrapped in phyllo dough and covered in butter to bake. I wasn’t part of the pita making process (thanks to little Esod and Zenita for making this fabulous food! And hopefully I spelled your names right…), but some of the things I remember going in were cottage cheese, eggs, butter, sour cream, salt & pepper, shredded mozzarella cheese, and more butter. All I know is after tasting it, I had to get seconds (and then later a third). My stomach would hate me Saturday night and seek it’s revenge, but the instant gratification from it was worth every minute of discomfort. If I had a chance to eat that much again – I would…
Oh the food… it was so good.
That afternoon the guys worked on an outdoor enclosure for Baba’s dogs Posha and Sedona (again, not sure on the spelling) both young pups and beautiful dogs. Posha is a German shepherd and Sedona a husky. Now, I called it an enclosure, but pretty much every one there had dubbed it the “Tajmahal.” It’s a HUGE enclosure with walls, a roof and eventually a heater. There is a dog house inside of it as well as lots of room for playing and relaxing. Rough life these dogs… I tell you.
Sometime in the middle of the day we hiked up past the property line to a lookout where you could see Pike’s Peak, Garden of the Gods and the city of Colorado Springs. I vowed that someday I would live in a place like this where I could walk out my door and have a place to come and relax and enjoy creation. I fell asleep briefly on one of the rocks – the sun felt so nice, there was a slight breeze, and you couldn’t hear anything - no cars, no people… just nature. It was great!
After dinner we went 4-wheeling out to another rock outcrop to watch the sunset. It was a beautiful evening and we went down to the outcrop and climbed up the rock formations. Everyone had a great time and we got lots of good pictures. We stayed out on the rocks for about an hour then headed back to the barn just as it was getting dark.
For the rest of the evening we sat by the fire telling jokes, picking on each other and recalling good memories. It was really a blessing for me to be welcomed so quickly into such a fun, loving, and crazy family. (Crazy in a good way of course)
Thanks to the Sipilovic family for making me feel so welcome and for a great Saturday!
I drove back down the mountain that night. It was quite the thrill as the hairpin turns that seemed a little crazy in the daylight were hard to navigate in the dark. There are NO lights on this mountain road. Even though I had my high beams on, each turn I just prayed I was staying on the road as it was still hard to see. The views of the city at night though were well worth the nerve-wracking drive! It was BEAUTIFUL!
I made it down just fine and I feel I could drive just about anywhere after that.
Sunday, I slept in again recovering from the food coma I was put into the day before. Again, I had a great breakfast of pancakes, bacon, and coffee. Once I felt awake and ready to start the day, I realized what a beautiful day it was turning out to be. In the 60’s with sunshine and big fluffy clouds – I willed myself to do something about the massive amount of calories I’d consumed in the last 24 hours. So, I headed off to do the Incline. I have done it several times before, but lately I’ve been slacking on working out all together. Needless to say, I felt the pain I deserved for my lack of efforts over the past month or so. I did however make it to the top beating my previous best time by 3 minutes. Not bad for being out of shape and feeling like a heifer!
Running back down Barr Trail felt so good too – I got a second wind and felt so alive! Once I reached the turn out for the waterfall, I did some running back UP the trail about a quarter mile then came back down. Surprisingly enough I’m not really sore today either, so I will be attempting my Palmer Park run this afternoon.
Sunday ended with the Redskins/Colts game. Although the Skins lost, I think it was a well played game. With the catches made by the Colts, they deserved the win, there is no doubt about that. Better luck next week DC!
So, I think I’m starting off my week right. I’m looking forward to next weekend as it’s getting to be time to carve pumpkins, and I LOVE carving pumpkins.
Happy Monday everyone!
Here are some pictures of the Incline for you folks back in Maryland... Go here to find out it's history.
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| From the first step... |
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| This is about half way up looking down... |
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| From a distance - you can see, this IS the shortcut up Red Mountain |
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| And from the top... |
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